For the Mother's on Father's Day
(AUDIO VERSION BELOW)
.Our role as Mother is one of huge influence. The words we say, the actions we take and the tone in which we do both, are a daily example to our children of what a Christian, a woman, a wife is to be. With yesterday being Father’s Day, it had me thinking about how we influence our child’s view of their father. Let’s talk about that a little?
I think we all know that our actions teach far beyond our words. This is true in every realm, even in how we handle our relationships.
We have such power in the way a child views their Dad. What are we teaching them about their Dad today?
3 Big Areas of Influence:
(Before I even start, I must preface with this: I am sharing from hindsight! I did not do a lot of this as well as I should have. I am learning as I go. I tried sometimes. Other times I acted selfishly and didn’t care. The Lord is continually shaping my attitude in these areas, even today. I can assure you, as you seek to grow closer with Jesus, you will be shown how to get better & better at these things Biggest takeaway is Don't Stop Trying!)
Respect- The statistics say the #1 thing a man needs to feel loved is respect. How we respect him, as a husband and a father, is an example to our children of how they are to respect him. If you have a hard time respecting your husband, you probably will not be teaching your children to respect him either. A child’s first lesson in respect begins at home with parents. If they are not made to respect at home, we cannot expect them to respect other authority later.
At times respect is little, like listening without interrupting (hard one for me! He talks slow & thoughtful while I am quick and impulsive). Other times it is big, like biting your tongue when you disagree with his parenting but it is so important. Try to agree, before kids come preferably, to be a TEAM. Promise to have each other’s back when it comes to sticking to discipline and discuss it privately if you disagree with a decision. Kids can smell when you may take their side & they will use it! 😊 Respect is also honoring his decisions and the person he is. Even if we don’t think the best of it, we can at least not ‘remind’ him or ‘scold’ him in front of others, especially his children who should look up to him. I am not saying flatter and lie to make him seem more, but respect him as we wish to be respected.
Authority- Some mothers carry the majority of child rearing for all sorts of reasons. But this does not mean the father should have any less authority in the decisions that go into raising that child. Culturally, men are viewed as Providers. Some take that as their contribution to raising the children, while others enjoy being very hands on with daily activities of the child also. Each man is different and probably influenced by what he saw growing up. It can be very easy for us as mothers to take over and do what needs to be done without question. Although, we need to remember that we are only ½ of the team that is preparing this child to become an adult. Each partner will have specific opinions, ideas, and perspective. I have yet to find a couple to agrees 100% on how a child should be disciplined! It is a day-by-day learning of compromise and working together. If we aim to work together to find the best for the child, it makes a stronger and more cohesive family unit.
Affection- Our children learn how to love by watching others. As parents, we show them how to show affection to others. It is easy to get caught up in the daily grind of life and forget to enjoy each other as a couple, but this is so important to our kids. If they sense you love each other, they have a stable foundation at home. I know, from 29 years of marriage, that not every day is a lovey-dovey day! BUT, that doesn’t mean you are free to demand and put down the other…. even when you feel justified. You and he may be able to get over it quick, but think about what your child may be thinking. They may not be able to forget as quickly. They love you both and don’t care to hear anyone hurting either of you. It is tough, but on those days if we can remind ourselves to be what I want my kids to learn to be, we will think more before we speak or act. Our children are so smart. They know when we love and when we don’t.
And do you know there is actually a priority list established by God as to which place certain relationships are to be? YEP! Of course, #1 is God, #2 is spouse, and then your children are #3. Many times the affection is moved straight to the children with the spouse getting third place or lower. I know how easy this happens! (yea...that experience thing again.) It will happen unless we are purposeful about it! Make a date today. Let them see you love today. ❤
So even if Father’s Day is over, we can practice this the other 364 days of the year! When he feels respected, loved, and honored, he becomes a better father and husband to you too.
What area will you commit to work on today?