Will I Trust God With My Finances?

TRUST or TREPIDATION-
which best describes God's control of  finances?

30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.- Matthew 7:30-33 (Jesus speaking!)

​Can I just be honest right now?! We are living in a place of complete dependence on God right now. Some days that gets hard. Some days I just don't like that part of it.

There, I said it. But there is more. Much more.

Dependence in certain areas of life aren’t so bad, but some really get us where it hurts.  This one has been the hardest for me,
total submission and dependence on Him to provide financially without a paycheck each month.

Even being the over-sharer that I am naturally, financial issues are not one I discuss much. Not any certain reason, just kind of an awkward subject when there is so many better things to talk about!ha

Now, don’t get worried about us or pity us! WE ARE FINE! I promise!

The post started because I have put Bill-Paying-Day off almost a week now, so it must be done today. (insert eye roll & deep sigh)

Normally, this isn’t a big deal for me, other than the fact I just hate the chore, but last month, something happened that I wasn’t prepared for. 

See, last month when I sat down to pay bills, it was just after my morning prayer time. A normal morning, but what happened next was not normal at all!
I gathered the checkbook, the passwords, the calculator and bills. I tore them out of the envelopes and sorted. I entered the auto drafts into the check register. I figured up the tithes check and wrote those.

BUT THEN, I logged into my online checking account register from the bank. All was good until I clicked to see the details of our household checking account.
GASP! Double GASP!

And  just like that, satan pounced on me like a lion on an limping animal! He saw an opportunity to feed the fear as I saw the drastic drop in our bank balance! The devil is so opportunistic that way. 

I hate to admit it, but the rest of the day, I was a mess! Not crying and hysterical (because we had enough money), but my mind was in a continuous battle all day and night! I would love to tell you within a few hours I was up preaching to the devil and ended up praising the Lord, but that isn’t what happened. ☹ 

I decided to pay bills first thing in the morning. First mistake! :/ Still having no regular income from my ministry at this time, but having to pay invoices to keep the website going was not a good combination. The devil jumped at the chance to pour gasoline on this fire!  (don't pity me...keep reading!)

Can you see why I have been dreading and pay bills again this month?!  
​

​BUT GOD!
Even in the financial parts of life, God wants me to trust Him fully.
Last year when I surrendered and finally submitted and quit my job to take Seeds to Trees Ministry full time, I knew what I was doing. I was surrendering MY control of security($$$) to follow a promise.
God had promised me 1000x.... "if you will  just Trust Me, I will take care of you!"

In December 2016, I walked over and told my boss “I have to leave & follow what God is leading me to do. Please don’t ask how it is going to work, because I have no idea except these words “just Trust Me”.

INSTANT PEACE flooded over my soul and mind! Not kidding! I
 have not worried. I can say there has not been one night I couldn’t sleep for being anxious over bills. This peace is so unbelievable, even to me! I think that is why this day last month really messed me up!?!

I have a jar of written praises of how He has provided in BIG and crazy ways already! I wanted to document them so I wouldn’t forget (you know how we do that forgetting?!)! I may share some of those one day soon. 😊

So WHY in the world do I begin to get anxious when I see that our steady cushion of five years is dwindling??  
​
This is where I'm going to share how Truth came to me as I prayed about this earlier:

Seriously Sheila?! Do you think I wasn’t already providing for this time when that comfortable cushion was able to go in that account five years ago?? Remember how that money was part of a creative finance plan to pay for a wedding, but because of wonderful love, help, abilities, and keeping Me the focus of the wedding, the cost was kept under your meager budget??!
Not only that, but do you remember each month over the past five years as you paid bills, that cushion would fluctuate, but somehow averaged out to about the same over time?

That was ME, daughter.

I saw this day in the beginning! Not just 5 years ago, but as you formed in your mama’s womb, I saw every one of your lifetime needs! Every. Single. One.
So, go pay your bills. Continue to tithe and be good stewards of every dime. Don't waste, but don't worry either! Continue on with confidence that when I said, “Trust Me”.  I am faithful. I am trustworthy. It may not be as you expect, or as you wish, but I will take care of you!
​If the balances get down to cents instead of dollars, just
TRUST ME! Just Trust Me….always.
Remember always...
I AM prepared. I AM provision. I AM enough.

Love you more,
Your Father God!

​I just love when He does that!
I've learned this is what can happen when I go to Him with my concerns and throw it out there and wait for His feedback instead of jumping in ready to try to fix it. He gently reminds me that He is in control. He is patient and sometimes has to shake me back into His reality. 

I will pay bills today with my mind filled with the many miracle provisions so far and the reminder that HE IS ENOUGH no matter what my bank account looks like. 😊

UPDATE:  after I wrote this, I paid bills with faith & confidence that HE has this under control. It was awesome to realize NO MORE CAR payment! AND if that wasn't enough, I also received a VERY UNEXPECTED donation for the exact amount of my car payment! :) WHAT?! God is always over and beyond!:) :)

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